The Building Blocks of My New Path. Managing My Disorder, Owning It & Talking About It. (A life update)

My disorder is not my identity

I’m changing and for the better. Little by little, changes are becoming apparent to me.

The last time I posted, was in June and as you all know, I tend to go radio silent for a while. I run out of things to say, to express and share so I take a break and live my life and see what comes of it so that I can come back here and share it with you.

Many things have changed, some for the better and some for the worse. I managed to find a place where I could earn a bit of extra cash during the week. I’m not actually employed by the company however the owner was and is going through a tough time and needed an extra pair of hands to manage their store. It’s actually an art gallery. This is pretty perfect for me as I love looking at art and I have such respect for artists. I get lost in some of the paintings and my imagination runs wild with the abstract pieces. To be honest, some of the paintings make me want to cry, they are just that beautiful.

Another positive element of hanging around here is that I learn a whole bunch of new skills. Not just the generic managing the store, there are plenty of other things as well for instance social marketing and networking which is something I have been interested in for quite some time so this gives me that experience and lays down the first couple of new blocks for my path going forward.

I feel that I have been managing my mental health much better lately. My dosage has been reduced a tiny smidge which is a win. I breathe to calm myself down almost every day. I apply the CBT techniques to get facts over difficult situations. It has not been easy. I had a panic attack at the art gallery a few weeks ago which really took a toll on me and I felt like such a failure at that moment that I almost wanted to quit BUT progress is progress no matter how little it seems.

I have also become extremely open with my condition. Where I stay the stigma over mental health and what people say about individuals who have to be admitted to our mental health clinic is sad. I say this because sometimes it’s the same people who fuel the stigma who actually need the help the clinic offers. I’m kind of done being subtle about it in my town.

My disorder is not my identity. I am Ryan, I love nerd and geek things. I love to play video games, I enjoy photography, I try to help people where I can, I have a six-year-old daughter and I MANAGE my mental health disorder.

My goal going forward is to help others do the same. I don’t how or when yet, but I’ll figure it out.

Wimpy, HemingwaysMall ups their game with Nonkie the Waitron – A warm personality that eases the most anxious of minds

Did I ever tell you about Nonkie? No? Well, I guess I wouldn’t have. She has been an unknown constant in my life since my first admittance to St. Marks.
Some people might think that the constants are friends and family that they see every day that support you, however, you might be leaving out some random people that you never even thought of as you might not seem them as often.  Here is a story of Nonkie the Waitron an unknown, positive constant in my life that I have taken for granted.

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Exploring the Past of an Anxious, Depressive Person: Remembering Your First Bully from Decades Ago – Part 1

It would be ignorant of me to say that I am a product of bullying. There were many factors at play that shaped me into the person I am today. Bullying was just one of them and I will discuss these other factors at a later time but for now, this is a post dedicated to my first bully in an ongoing blog series. Please consider supporting me by commenting, sharing your stories in the comments, liking and sharing this entry if you feel you should. Continue reading

A Boundary Type I Don’t Quite Relate Too

Already a week has passed and now that my time is coming to an end at the clinic I feel myself getting stuck into similar patterns. The happiness that was so uplifting last week has all but ceased to exist. I feel the turmoil and deeply hidden stress lying in the pit of my stomach and I have no idea what to do about it.

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