I had an interesting surge of feelings the last couple of days and it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what stirred it up. Every time I try to locate the source I realize it’s not just one but a series of different things within myself that have caused this jump into something I never thought I would do.
I haven’t kept to my blogging schedule primarily due to my obsessive nature. I had the plan but then I got so distracted by the editing of the “Let’s Play” that Greg and I did but then it becomes a blur of different thoughts and feelings. While writing this I am confused as to what actually happened. I know I’ve been distracted with Twitter and my follower count is growing slowly. It’s always nice to see and truth be told I’m actually starting to have a lot of fun sending tweets and engaging with new people and poking fun at Electronic Arts.
I’ve been obsessed but a different kind of obsessed. I spent hours on editing things because I’m too pedantic for my own good and I end up over-editing. I tried for hours the other day to increase Greg and my voices to a much better quality as we couldn’t record both of them at the same time which by the way I thought I had solved already last week before we attempted it and as annoying as it was, I enjoyed trying to figure it out. I like being able to play with editing tools and find out new things that you could possibly create in different programs. The problem however is time.
I don’t have time to do this. There is not enough time in the day for me to obsess over editing or worrying about the quality of voices, follow twitter conversations, write a blog, research something, hang out with Mici, play video games, watch tv, go spend time with myself under a tree and of course, I already spend eight hours of every day at work. Eight hours. Think about that for a second. Imagine what you could do with the eight hours that you lose to work
I was chatting with this group that I’m a part of on Whatsapp and it turned out that one of the guys on there had a close family relative pass away. They had just had the funeral and while talking to the group this individual conveyed some pretty normal and deep themes about death, what anything really means in life. Apparently, this close family relative had a pretty interesting life, had seen something interesting things and experienced quite a bit. To be honest it sounded like he experienced more than what an average person does. During the conversation, this individual expressed the sentiment that everything was for nothing as the relative had passed away and I might be wrong but alluded that life is pretty pointless.
It’s a normal feeling to have and something that has crossed my mind more than once as I’m sure it has yours, fellow reader. I think that when it comes to a loved one passing, it doesn’t mean that this persons life was for nothing as it clearly meant something to this individual. It’s all about how that lost loved one made us feel and if they had a positive effect on our lives and if it did then his or her life was clearly not for nothing.
Later on in the evening, still editing and watching Twitter at the same time, I came across a tweet about Star Wars Battlefront 2 still having a bit of a grind. I first made fun of EA on twitter then went to investigate a little further on the Battlefront 2 forums. Most gamers seemed to be ok with it which led to the inspiration for a new risk that a socially anxious person doesn’t normally want to take.
I wanted to be like other people that I watch all the time on YouTube sharing their opinions on games and since I’ve been working on the YouTube Channel I thought it would be the perfect time to jump in and I did. I recorded myself on my phone talking about Battlefront 2, imported into Audacity, cleaned up the noise and boosted the quality, got a trailer of Battlefront 2 and a few other things and started putting it all together. The end result was adequate for a first attempt I guess. It was my opinion sure and it did sound weird having my voice coming from the computer but even though it hasn’t garnished many views, I did it. I actually did it. I put myself out there and I was proud of myself. Especially since the first comment was someone agreeing with me which made me feel a lot less insecure about it.
I was exhilarated by this fear I had overcome. Sharing my opinion online vocally. I felt like I had freed a part of myself and all day today I’ve been confident. So confident that at my first client of the day I ended up having a fantastic conversation with all the ladies there about my blog, social anxiety, depression, gaming and superheroes. I pitched the idea of what I eventually wanted to do with my life and how I could help other people and I didn’t get judged and I wasn’t embarrassed. They could relate to everything I was talking about and they wanted to share that with their family so I gave them all my contact details and took some of theirs so that more people would know.
I was happy all day, making jokes, being awesome and confident and it was a nice feeling but as I’ve learned all emotions pass so I enjoyed the feeling while it lasted. I took a big risk tonight. I decided to attempt a Vlog which is essentially a Video Blog for those of you don’t know. I was terrified of pushing the record button on the phone. I rambled throughout that video and I don’t think I made much sense but you know what, I uploaded it anyway. While currently, I am afraid of being judged by that video or maybe coming across as desperate and needy it actually doesn’t matter in the end. I took another risk and jump to better myself and while the fear is still very real within me, fear of what that video may bring and fear of it not bringing in anything at all, I still did it and I think that’s something to be proud of.
The reason I took this jump I can only surmise is because of everything I have been doing lately. Starting with that one little live stream I did of me playing Crash Bandicoot to the Family Game Night, the Let’s Play with Greg and most importantly the conversation I had on the group with the individual who lost somebody close to them. Life is too short to not be happy. Life is too short to not do what you want to do and it’s too short to not take risks. I remember saying life is too short so many times but I always get sucked back into the cycle of work and I end up forgetting because bills have got to get paid.
What I’m thinking of doing is linking the second YouTube video to the about page so that it’s easier to understand where I might be coming from. I guess I want to do what I want to do and get paid for it which I know is in a perfect world but who’s to say you can’t do it? I’m trying. I’m trying to achieve my goal. I want to love what I do and do what I love and then I want to help other people.
If you walk away with anything after reading this article, walk away with this…
Take the risk.