It was the start of a new week and a fresh set of problems. Actually, Monday wasn’t that bad. I got through my calls, made time to go to the bank and managed to get a loan of R20 000 to fix my car. I sent that through to the panel beater and I’m just going to have to be patient for now. They seem like trustworthy guys so I’m going on faith in humanity that this guy is going to do good, honest and reliable work and have my car back to me at the agreed upon time. He said three weeks. I’ve started the countdown.
Nothing else majorly happened though. It was all so average. There was a small incident though between me and Greg.
For those who don’t know, Greg is pretty much the only real friend I have. Fun to talk to, game together every now and then, supportive and generous. All around solid guy. He has this weird ability to be able to have a conversation with anyone around him. Just like Mici actually. Sometimes it’s annoying only because I wish I could be like that.He pretty much is my BFF.
With the post that I did yesterday I said something about Greg that he had an issue with. He was very upfront with me after reading the article. (which I appreciated. I love straight shooters, right to the point. Greg is like that. No bullshit. It’s seriously refreshing) He was not happy about the way I portrayed him. Even though this blog is about my feelings, I failed to take into consideration what others were going through at the same time which leads to them looking like shitty people from one perspective. I forget that whoever reads this might take what I’m saying and think because of one incident this entire person is a dick. It’s important to remember though that everything is a series of moments and in that particular moment I was annoyed with him but it doesn’t portray his entire character. It is something I have to work on. I’ve never done a personal blog like this before so I’m still figuring out how this should work. Should I use real names? Should I use fake names? Do I turn this into a whole separate, made up character based story? Do I not mention the feelings I had and if that’s the case then to me that makes the therapy kind of moot. I’m not sure yet how to proceed but I am grateful that it happened. This form of therapy is opening up my eyes to other things. I’m learning. I’m going to make mistakes.
After two or three text messages I removed what I said on the post and apologized. Unfortunately for me, I start obsessing. I hold onto the feeling. Lloyd telling me “Oh you fucked up now, genius. Your only friend and you throw it away over a dumb ill-conceived blog post. Slow clap” Greg came over for coffee later and I apologized face to face. Greg was cool with it. He told me he had an issue, he communicated the issue to me. I resolved the issue. That’s the end of it. Just like that. It was over and we were fine. (Take that Lloyd!) I really wish I could be more like Greg. The ability to let go of those kinds of things and not harbor a grudge. Later in the evening he and I watched a Bill Bur stand up on Netflix which was pretty good and all was right in the world.
Afterwards, we called it a night and he sent me a text saying that we are 110% cool and it would take much more than this to affect our friendship. I am a very sensitive individual. The fact that he sent that text assuring me our friendship was still intact was….I can’t even describe it. I felt mooshy with emotion. I think I said in my first post in this series that I love people but I can’t seem to feel it. I know I love but there is this invisible barrier that keeps me from who I am and what I am currently. That one little text seemed to have cracked that barrier. I felt honest to God, love for this guy. I was grateful to have him. Greg is really the only non-blood related individual that I would call family. He is in my family. I really appreciate him and I can’t even begin to tell you how many times Greg has been there for me. I mean it’s insane. Greg is the equivalent of that best friend you see in movies where he is the go to guy. The one who is always there and gives advice. That’s my Greg.
Anyway, enough with the sensitive shit. When I started writing this post I wasn’t sure if I had anything to really talk about. Then I started writing about Greg and all this other stuff came out. It might seem like a suck-up post and if that’s that way you take it then that’s the way you take it. I’m just sharing my emotions and thoughts as I currently have them. Describing my feelings in a series of moments.
That is life.