Last week on Vitosal Plays: (Click this link to get the full experience)
Lined Eye lady explains that the elder had gone missing when other girls started vanishing and that Vitosal must search the town for someone who knows the location of the elder. Vitosal went door to door, looting treasure, throwing pots, fighting guards, slashing chickens, discovering new mysteries in Hyrule such as the Golden Power and the wishing waterfall and finally learning the location of the elusive elder, today that adventure continues…
…I leave the crazy old fool. When exiting the house, I am confronted with more bushes. Holy Crap these things grow quickly! Slashing some more bushes I make my way out of the garden and head east. There’s a sign in the distance and never knowing what I might discover I decide to read it. I start rea…oh shit, I’ve picked up the sign instead of reading it. Umm, can I just put it down? I go this way and that out of sheer panic, eventually deciding to throw the sign (in case a guard see’s me carrying it) It flies out in front of me, shattering in the distance, breaking into four pieces. The only evidence is the hole in the ground where the sign used to be….the world will never know.
I check my map and see the flashing red X far to the east in what seems to be some form of rocky formation. I carry on going East, and I see a lonely chicken and one guard. Naturally I swipe at the chicken, which furiously scuttles away as the guard, sword drawn, rushes towards me. We have a battle of wits and endurance, his defense is good, mine not so much as he manages to get a shot in. When he rushes me again I flail my sword, catching him on what I think is his arm, he flashes and explodes, leaving a single green coin. I’m getting better at this, catching the coin before it can even settle properly. Yup that’s just how good I am. A little further up from where we were fighting, there was a square hole in the ground just behind some bushes that didn’t seem to have anything in it. It looks like an entrance to something but I just can’t manage to get in. Maybe I’m wrong, who knows in this world. There is also an entrance to a cave, which going against my better judgement, I decide to enter.
The cave is dark, and foreboding. One single set of steps lies at the end of the room. I proceed down, but can find no where to go. There does seem to be a door but I cannot open it. I must be missing something. I decide to leave because I’m sure at some point I’ll have to go back in there. The sunlight hits my pixelated eyes as I exit the cave, and oh…Do my eyes deceive me? The guard that had viciously exploded and the lonely chicken…are back. Not wanting to get into another altercation I decide to avoid them and head up the stairs to the north where I discover another house. There’s no path past the house so this route is no good. Upon entering I see a blacksmith working on something I honestly cannot describe. He tells me that if his lost partner returns he can temper my sword. Sounds like a plan but that could take forever. I leave and go back down the stairs. Dammit, I forgot about the lonely chicken and the born again guard. All right, if it’s another battle you want, another battle you will get. I charge forward taking the offensive, obviously attacking the chicken first, which scuttles away hurriedly. Then I go for the guard. He didn’t see me coming, not because I’m so cool, his back was turned, which is a cheap shot I know, but the fact that he was resurrected leads me to believe that these guards are all demons so I’ll take every chance I can get. I hit him from behind demonstrating my lack of honor, he’s taken by surprise and tries to defend but It’s too late Based on this world, two direct hits takes them out. The second swing of my sword connects and he explodes (again), a single heart flutters down and into my inventory. I check my map again and find the easiest route to get to the elder. I need to travel north and take the same route I took when I entered Kakariko Village. I back track a bit and oh my gosh, the signs back! OK, so in Hyrule even people and inanimate objects come back If I leave a certain area. That means that everything is a demon is in this land, even signs! I’m going to have to watch my step in this place.
I proceed north and on my way up the road I notice an older woman, probably in her thirties, wearing a green, brown dress with brown hair, just taking a stroll, I decide to say hello. As I catch up with her, she pulls the same thing that old bitch pulled on me in the last episode and alerts the guards and then runs to the safety of her house. Dammit! Another guard comes down, spear in hand. I think he’s a bit “special” though as he was trying to get to me through a shrub. They allow any one in the military it seems. As he struggles to get to me I get ready by charging up my super secret attack only known to our family. (holding the attack button for a charge hit) As he gets closer I unleash the full power of my attack. I hit my mark, the soldier flies back a few feet from the impact that my awesome attack just gave. He regains his composure and comes at me again. His defense is also quite good, although he’s “special” he fights like the rest of the guards. He defends but unfortunately for him, he leaves an opening and then I strike. He explodes but leaves nothing behind. Maybe that’s how they separate the “special” guards from the normal ones.
I carry on with my quest, trekking north, making my way back to the lake which has the whirlpool in it. I see one guard walking in the opposite direction to me, he hasn’t seen me yet. I decide to attack him, again proving that my code of honor is non existent by swiping at his back, he gets thrown forward a few feet. He turns around and I can feel him staring at me through his visor. I ready my sword, waiting for the predictable attack yet to follow. He responds running towards me but I am ready. I throw my sword around and he defends as they always do but then everything changed. Two more guards came running from the north and east. I didn’t plan for this . All three of them rush at the same time. Knowing that I can’t take on three of them at once and I have no time to charge my super secret attack known only to my family, (holding the attack button for a charge hit) I dodge all three of them and run down in between a bunch of bushes. They all follow, trailing at my heels. I quickly sweep in between the bushes and run around. They get stuck and start looking around for me. I can almost see the confusion in their….helmets. Knowing that I still can’t take them at once I delve into my inventory. I see the boomerang and then select it. Quickly, I throw it at one of the guards. As it hits one of them the other two look in the direction of where it came from just as it returns to me. Just before they rush me, I throw the boomerang again, hitting another one. Only one now is coming for me. I then realize that the boomerang paralyzes anything that it hits. Awesome! I attack the one guard but he blocks, then I think, “What the hell, let’s throw this bad boy again“. I chuck the boomerang again paralyzing the final guard. I rush in this time, bringing my sword down heavily on all three of them. Two of them explode leaving green coins behind, the third guard’s paralysis worn off, starts to back away but I charge in, and deal two heavy blows. He explodes leaving a green coin behind. I collect it. A battle well won.
I carry on east, battling guards along the way. One guard in particular was proving to be quite difficult thanks to the their cursed defense. Where do these guys train? He gets a few good shots in but as always I am the victor. I then proceed south until I see a bridge to the left of me with one little guard patrolling near it. I rush towards him, wanting to end this battle quickly but he counters my every move. When I think I’ve worn him down all of a sudden a green crab appears and charges towards me. A green crab!? Seriously? What the fuck? The green crab manages to get in quite a powerful blow causing me to flash a little longer than usual however one swift move of my blade and he explodes into glorious 16-bit smoke leaving a green coin for me to grab. I then return my attention to the guard, and with one final swing I send him into the next world, as I collect his still fluttering heart.
I cross the bridge and encounter two more guards except these guys aren’t carrying swords or spears, they’re carrying crossbows. The two guards start firing and reloading so quickly I barely have time to react. I manage to deflect one arrow with my boomerang as I circle the two guards, making my way closer. I manage to hit the one while the other continues to bombard me with arrows. I get another lucky shot in and one guard explodes but the guard doing all the firing is waiting for me. I try to get in close but he keeps firing those blasted arrows at me. I manage to deflect a few with my boomerang and then I see an opening, I charge in and do a quick slash of my sword however the impact is not enough and he recovers quickly sending an arrow directly into me. I’ve lost one heart already and that’s one too many in my book. I dash towards him before he gets another opportunity and slash my sword across his armored body. He explodes and leaves five arrows for the taking. Uh, great..I don’t have a crossbow. What the hell am I going to do with a bunch of arrows?
I then make my way south, arriving at a sandy patch of ground, but what was insanely interesting about this patch were the creatures that were inhabiting it. They were red crabs with seriously big mouths in which they could fire rocks at you. They were so many, running left and right, shooting these rocks randomly. I need to move quickly if I’m to make it through this section. I run through only having to destroy one of them, They to explode for some reason but leave nothing behind.
I battle more soldiers as I make my way down another bridge. Defeating the one, and getting practically molested by the other my “one heart left” alarm starts going off. A guard that was left was firing arrows and it was here that I realized I could just stand there with my shield and the arrows would just bounce off. “Sweet!” So, cat like reflexes may not be crucial to my success. Defeating cross bow guard I collect another heart putting an end to that infuriating siren. I find that I had traveled to far south after battling a bird, guard and red crab. Yeah, I know, I battled a bird. I was also like, “What?” I checked my map and retraced my steps back over the bridge and found the path that I was suppose to take. Along the way though, forgetting that this unholy land is infested with demon soldiers, a few of them had been resurrected leading to another battle of wits and cunning. Unfortunately, both of those were missing from the battle as my siren started going off again. “Cough, cough, it was all lucky shots that caused it though…cough, cough” I defeat two more guards and one more red crab thing as I make my way up the sandy stairs. More of the red crab things shooting rocks surround me. I decide to kill one because I think it would be safer, remove the threat and all that. I cautiously make my way towards it and then suddenly, I’ve moved to far. The whole world fades to black and then red. I’m spinning around, then I fall. Just a few feet above I see letters hovering around me, but I just can’t make them out, then everything vanishes. It’s just darkness that surrounds me with shades of purple?
Where am I now? Am I stuck here? Will the elder be inside the cave? How can it be that four articles is equivalent to twenty minutes of video? What the fuck is wrong with the birds here? Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea..